Self-Destruction Tactics

This article is not to be confused with people who deliberately hurt themselves. This is about people who choose behaviors that are harmful to them often without the individual realizing or at least accepting it. This is to help people to open their eyes to see what they are doing to themselves and to hopefully give them a quiet place to see themselves and accept that their behavior is leading them down the path of self-destruction and to seek the proper help.

I have watched too many people I love over the years self-destruct on everything from alcohol, drugs, gambling, positive thinking books, food addictions/syndromes that include both ends of the spectrum lack of exercise, being sleep deprived, Internet addiction, indulging on foods that have almost zero nutrition, anorexia, bulimia, and over-eating, smoking, being a work-a-holic to avoiding seeking employment and I could probably go on and on. It seems humans are determined to find a way to self-destruct.

I used to say that my second child did not bring home stray animals but stray children. I had many of his friends living with me over the years. They used to fondly call me mom. Some stayed with us only a few days, some a few weeks and some a few months. I always insisted that I speak to the parents of the children who would stay with us. I assured the parents that my home was only a temporary safe haven until these young men could come to grips with their turmoil. I explained to the parents that their child would have chores and responsibilities in my home as they would in their own homes. Additionally, I would ensure the parents that their child would soon realize that each home has rules.

Check list to determine if you have self-destructive tendencies

• You find it difficult to be honest and you often exaggerate the truth
• You know you have addictive tendencies
• you set goals but do not do what it takes to achieve them
• you feel that you are better than others or not as good as others
• you almost achieve success but always ensure something happens to mess it up
• you have a large list of excuses
• you expectations are often unrealistic
• you worry a lot and anticipate doom and gloom
• you anger easily then feel shame and/or resentment
• you put off doing what needs to be accomplished
• you often feel like you are a victim
• you remain in destructive relationships and feel you have no way out
• you belittle yourself in front of others

Why do people do it?

A friend on mine once told me that everyone finds their drug of choice. When an individual is finding their drug of choice they are putting a bandage on a deeper problem that will not heal without the proper diagnosis and treatment. They are using the behavior as a coping mechanism for the underlying problems in their lives. While they are trying to find a way to deal with something or some things that are problematic, they are only compounding the issues with a negative action. One plus one will always equal two and two plus two will always equal four no how many ways one tries to convince themselves or others that this is not the case.

What are the repercussions?

Often times as people choose a negative behavior to mask an underlying problem they bring others into the fold. Such actions eventually destroy relationships, which lead to additional problems for the individual who is in the self-destructive mode. Hence, the theory that one plus one equals two, which leads to two ply two and so on.

The negative actions may also be a self-punishment for someone who feels undeserving of positive reinforcements. However, recall what I stated above. Almost everyone has people they are close to. If you remain in an undeserving mode and choose self-punishment as your consequence, you end up projecting negativity in the direction of people who are undeserving. Thus, before you allow yourself to even remotely go down such a path, ask yourself who else your actions might affect.

Clinical Depression

If you are a victim of clinical depression, do NOT try to self-medicate. There is NO shame in admitting that you need help. Recall what was stated above. You will be hurting those around you if you do not seek the help that you need. The stigma has been lifted. People talk openly about taking an anti-depressant as it is needed.

I had a professor once who stated that the time will come when we will get up in the morning, slide our hand or a particular body part under a screener and the proper dose of vitamins or medications will be dispersed to us depending upon our needs that day. I for one detest going to the doctor's office and will await that day with anticipation. However, until that day arrives, I will not put my head in the sand and pretend I do not need to get my yearly checkups or seek the medical attention that is needed. Thus, until the day arrives, I implore anyone who feels depressed to seek professionals out who can help them. The crime is in not seeking the help!

What can I do to change?

Ahhh, besides seeking professional help if so indicated I will list a few things for people to do to help themselves.
Think long and hard about the alternatives

• If you note a lack of personal responsibility think what you can do to begin taking personal responsibility
• If you have had a lack of Awareness you just read this article and are beginning to take the initiative to become an informed individual
• If you have poor communication skills begin taking classes or reading books or articles online about learning better communication skills
• Change your negative ways and begin setting small goals, work to achieve them and give yourself a reward once you achieve your goal
• Admit your poor choices, do not beat yourself up for them, pat yourself on the back for acknowledging them and make a commitment to begin making better and healthier living choices

Begin by asking yourself what the payoff has been for you. Yes, you are gaining something from your actions even if it is a negative reaction. Perhaps you will take any attention, even negative attention over no attention. 

Address where the negative behaviors stem from and avoid that environment or the triggors. Yes, it may require some life changes but think how wonderful it may be if you make those life changes.

Look back only long enough to determine what leads into the self-destructive mode. Acknowledge it but, again, do not dwell or beat yourself up. That will only lead to more self-destructive behaviors. We ALL have made mistakes. Forgive yourself. We are all given Grace. You deserve it just as much as the other guy and do NOT allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
Get out of the "victim" mode. You may have been a victim but you do not need to remain there.

Don't dwell on who helped to get you where you are. Be proud of yourself for taking charge and getting yourself out. If others try to block you or remind you of who you were, get away from those people. Cut them out of your life until you are stronger.

Really reflect on what the true underlying problems stem from. We all tend to gloss over the truth. Get to the heart of what led you toward self-sabotaging. Remove any elements prophecies of others or even self-prophecy.

Don't judge yourself or others - just make a commitment to move forward a little each day.
Be prepared to give up things you thought you loved like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. You only loved them because you thought you had to be locked into a certain role in life. Accept that you do not need to.

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Turning it Around

The key is to have a positive attitude. Watch the following and you can't help but get the message.